How do, and how should parents react when their daughters, who are barely into their teens, start wearing increasingly revealing clothing?

The very nature of this question reveals to me an abdication of parental responsibility. Where did they get the revealing clothing in the first place? If you don’t want your young daughter dressing in a particular way, then exert some parental control and don’t buy her the clothing.

Your job is not to be your child’s friend; it’s to be their parent. This is a sacred responsibility: Your need to give them the tools and teach them lessons they need to live a healthy and fulfilling life. Your children don’t need to like you, but they must respect you (which is not the same thing as fearing you).

When my youngest son was about 12, he talked me into taking him and a buddy to a big outdoor concert in Orlando called Earthday Birthday. Local radio stations were billing it as a family event. I was appalled when we got there. The music was terrible, everything was wildly overpriced, drugs were everywhere and there were girls just a little older than my son walking around in not much of anything, and in some cases, nothing but body paint. I had a serious chat with my son and his friend and we left a short time later. The environment was simply inappropriate. We had a long discussion - meaning I let the kids talk and I listened — about the issues on the way back.

I remember going to my first parent-teacher night when my youngest was in middle school. I was appalled at the way the 12 & 13-year-old girls in the hallways behaved. Presumably they were there with their parents, but some of them were wearing outfits that were entirely inappropriate for children — see-through blouses, incredibly short shorts or dresses, bare midriffs, etc. And the clothing matched the behavior of some of them. I was stunned when a couple of the girls, who obviously liked my son, came over and began flirting with me and hanging on me.

I later had a conversation with my son’s science teacher about the incident, and he just shook his head and said the problem was worse than I knew.

I’m not by any stretch a prude (read some of my other posts), and I believe that healthy and satisfying sexual experiences are one of the keys to a fulfilling life. But I also believe that the sexualization of children is abhorrent — and unfortunately, a fact of life. But kids behave this way because their parents let them.

Learn to talk to you children, not at them.

Teach them to actually think and not just mouth what they hear others saying.

Raise them in a home where their voices can be heard.

Lay down appropriate boundaries, explain the reasons for them, and enforce them.

Lead them by example. One of the worst things that your child can think about you is that you’re a hypocrite.

Talk to them candidly about booze and drugs. And sex.

Touch your kids (in a good way). Kids need encouragement and reassurance and hugs work wonders.

Don’t smother them. Raise them in an atmosphere where they can make their own decisions and must accept the consequences.

Welcome you kids’ friends into your home as a safe haven, but make it clear they have to follow your rules when they are there.

If you buy your kid a phone, know what they are doing with it.

And if you don’t like the way they dress, start by blaming the person in the mirror.

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Comments
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Daniel cordasco
Daniel cordasco
Mar 05
wow just wow
Robert Mayer
Robert Mayer
Mar 05
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD KIDS
Tara Lou
Tara Lou
Mar 05
Its disgusting. My daughter will not be dressing like that ever. We will make sure of that.
Tara Lou
Tara Lou
Mar 12
@Tara Lou
Its a good job im home educating then...!
Goody Rumdinger
Goody Rumdinger
May 23
@Tara Lou
do you wear sweatpants?
Magda-Raul Rios
Magda-Raul Rios
Mar 05
How much money 💰 not taken seriously 😒
Lisa Smith
Lisa Smith
Mar 05
disgusting
Moy O.
Moy O.
Mar 07
@Lisa Smith
ur cute, hi!
Carla Myers
Carla Myers
Mar 20
@Lisa Smith
U just gave me another reality check to think about
Edward Rodriguez
Edward Rodriguez
Mar 06
delicious
Joe White
Joe White
Mar 06
@Edward Rodriguez
f****t
Miranda Norsman
Miranda Norsman
Mar 19
@Edward Rodriguez
says the pedophile. You are a good start at whats wrong with men today @ Edward Rodriguez
Skip Burton
Skip Burton
Mar 06
watch out for Muslims they will blame you for them rapping you!!!! p.s. good old fashion whipping for my princess if ever she decides to dress like a w***e!!!!!
Kayla Correale
Kayla Correale
Mar 09
@Skip Burton
Kys
Myra Martin
Myra Martin
Mar 18
@Skip Burton
What the hell does this say
Who Cares
Who Cares
Mar 19
@Skip Burton
WTF? I am so tired of people(racist) like you speaking the B.S. you spew and try to act like everyone feels like you. I would bet a year's wage that the parents of these young ladies are of Christian faith but you won't bring that up!! It is so sad people like you are spewing racist remarks like it is normal and believe you are going to heaven, but just by reading your post you have broken many scriptures that our bible teaches us are wrong. Remember the bible is not something you get to pick and choose what parts you want to follow...... So please stop wasting time trying to act like you are correct and read the bible so you don't come across looking like a very uneducated person and a embarrassment to the rest of the Christians. We are all the same in the eyes of the Lord and he is the only one who can judge others. And remember that it is a sin to judge others..
Ru Ru
Ru Ru
Mar 06
no way !!! not on my watch!!
Lashandria White
Lashandria White
Mar 08
@Ru Ru
What. not grown yet
Ashlan P
Ashlan P
Mar 11
@Lashandria White
me neither, almost a teen though, my friends dress like that ALL the time
Taylor Foy
Taylor Foy
Apr 01
@Ru Ru
@Ashlan P oh my god same! There are girls that wear extra tight see through white shirts with a black bra so you can see their bra. There is a 7th grade non virgin at my school.
michael ceballos
michael ceballos
Mar 06
oh come on she just wants to look like the girls on TV ! if you raised her right what she wears shouldn't matter !
Jim Raulerson
Jim Raulerson
Mar 08
@michael ceballos
Michael ur a pedophile
Lashandria White
Lashandria White
Mar 08
@michael ceballos
it should if she's following hot friends. what if she was yours
michael ceballos
michael ceballos
Mar 08
@Lashandria White
if she was mine I'd be fine with it, I mean obviously you have to draw the line and it's a little more conservative for girls the younger they are. // @Lashandria White: it should if she's following hot friends. what if she was yours
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Gwachii Liberachii
Gwachii Liberachii
Mar 06
I'd say wear what makes you comfortable.
Tiffany Smith
Tiffany Smith
Mar 11
@Gwachii Liberachii
Depends how you define "comfortable"
Ashlan P
Ashlan P
Mar 11
@Gwachii Liberachii
yup
Francisco Flores
Francisco Flores
Mar 06
yummy yummy yummy yummy mmmmmm!!
Joe White
Joe White
Mar 06
@Francisco Flores
f****t
Jack Starks
Jack Starks
Mar 06
Stop them, don't let them, explain to them why and at what age they should be old enough and responsible enough to wear them. There's way to many sexual predators that's just waiting for their prey. Don't allow your daughter to think it's ok.
Myra Martin
Myra Martin
Mar 18
@Jack Starks
Shouldn't we stop the sexual predators first? They aren't just gonna go 'Oh well she isn't wearing any revealing clothing so I can't get her!' They don't target only girls who wear revealing clothing, and people need to realize that!
Jack Starks
Jack Starks
Mar 18
@Jack Starks
Yes and the way to stop them starts with how our women and daughters dress when leaving the home, even around the home. Teach them how to dress properly and respect themselves. There's way to many mixed messages out there on what's appropriate and what's not. All you have to do if you don't already know is ask the men in their lives what would be their take on how the women in their lives dress. Is or isn't it to revealing. This is just the kind of society we live in.
Myra Martin
Myra Martin
Mar 20
@Jack Starks
But not all parents will teach their kids. They don't wish to force them to love in fear all of their lives. Training your kid to cover.up as much as possible is like saying 'Don't worry he'll rape the other girl' // @Jack Starks: Yes and the way to stop them starts with how our women and daughters dress when leaving the home, even around the home. Teach them how to dress properly and respect themselves. There's way to many mixed messages out there on what's appropriate and what's not. All you have to do if you don't already know is ask the men in their lives what would be their take on how the women in their lives dress. Is or isn't it to revealing. This is just the kind of society we live in.
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Tammy Caballero
Tammy Caballero
Mar 06
I blame the parents because of the want to buy a please stop buying these things for these kids how's it going to get it
Carla Myers
Carla Myers
Mar 20
@Tammy Caballero
I use to be tht parent but not anymore,
lauriev DOOLIN
lauriev DOOLIN
Mar 06
teach them how a true lady dresses while under your roof & when they are grown up they can dress as they want.. That how it was in my parents house..
lauriev DOOLIN
lauriev DOOLIN
Mar 06
ya & if you see some of the comments in here thats why they shouldn't dress like that as your asking for trouble & they are not old enough to handle what goes with dressing like that T.V is staged for ranting not real life..
Jack Duncan
Jack Duncan
Mar 06
they look like strippers I would whip my daughters a*s
Cynthia Webb
Cynthia Webb
Mar 06
No damn way would my daughter be wearing stripper clothes. Her a*s would be mine! She would be escorted to & from school by me. I would be the one to pack her backpack & i would walk her into the school & if needs be, id go to all of her classes too. I did it with my son when he showed his a*s & it curbed his behavior VERY quickly.
Ima Wright
Ima Wright
Mar 07
@Cynthia Webb
Chop..chop..chop...chop...can we say HELICOPTER MOMMY. You're the kind of parent who can't let their "precious child" ride a bike without looking like the Michelin Tire Man in safety pads and goofy helmet.
Cynthia Webb
Cynthia Webb
Mar 07
@Ima Wright
You are a dumbass. And probably a parent that lets their child rule the household. My son had a great childhood. We payed attn to him, played with him & made him mind. You are one of those parents that dont want to be bothered with your child. On your phone constantly instead of playin with your child. Piss off a*****e. // @Ima Wright: Chop..chop..chop...chop...can we say HELICOPTER MOMMY. You're the kind of parent who can't let their "precious child" ride a bike without looking like the Michelin Tire Man in safety pads and goofy helmet.
Tiffany Smith
Tiffany Smith
Mar 11
@Cynthia Webb
I'm sure. your child's social life should not be marred by revealing clothing or being around people with revealing clothing
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Bruce Burkett
Bruce Burkett
Mar 06
A big majority of parents today are not interested in being "Parents" they want to be their "Friends". They support the theory that everyone gets a trophy. This is not preparing anyone for "Real Life".
Lashandria White
Lashandria White
Mar 08
@Bruce Burkett
You're right on the friends,not parents at all
Tiffany Smith
Tiffany Smith
Mar 11
@Bruce Burkett
totally correct. the effect does immediately when the kid sees you do the same thing to younger sibling, and wonder did anything I achieved real or a fake to make me feel good?
Rachel Rollins
Rachel Rollins
Mar 06
GREAT article... need a good proofreader... ;)
Mrsdirty
Mrsdirty
Mar 06
Those clothes and shoes would be burned if I had a daughter to bring that crap into my house. if I had a daughter and caught her in public looking like that, she would be embarrassed when I got done.😀
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